Do you ever find yourself struggling to
find the “perfect gift” for someone? I had breakfast with a
friend the other day and had nothing to give her for Christmas. She
had already given me two books that were thoughtfully chosen (as her
gifts always are) and I showed up empty handed, frozen at the
prospect of finding something just right for her. So what makes a
gifts “perfect”?
- It's personal. When I had a new swimming pool put in my backyard, I got pool floaties. When I was moving to California, she got me a beach bag. This year, I got a book of writing prompts. See? So personal.
- You wouldn't get it for yourself. My friend and I ended up going shopping together after breakfast and I picked out a scarf for her in a color she wouldn't usually wear. She loved it and wore it the next day to an event. There's something about opening a gift you secretly wanted but wouldn't – for whatever reason – give yourself.
- It's evoke a feeling. Gratitude, excitement, love – just the tip of the iceberg of feelings that can come along with opening that perfect gift. Some gifts – those practical in nature, cash, or even gift cards - generally don't elicit the same response. You want the recipient to feel something and to know you care.
I believe part of the difficulty of
finding the “perfect” gift can be that most of us have a lot of
stuff. Do we really need more? Nothing is wrong with giving something
tangible, however, perhaps an experience or a special moment can be a
better choice.
Maybe some time enjoying the favorite
pastime with a loved one or learning about their hobby. Give the gift
of a shared memory. Or even deeper, find someone who is feeling down
– maybe your stressed out co-worker or a friend who is new parent
feeling overwhelmed – and extend to them an act of kindness. Give
the gift of love. Or deeper still, what about that person who you
don't really talk to any more because of that thing they did to you?
What if you let go of that grudge? Give the gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness checks off the three
criteria listed above: it's extremely personal
since it deals with a situation between you and another (or perhaps
between you and yourself or even between you and God); it is
something the other person can't give themselves since only you can
forgive them; and it will evoke very strong feelings (on both sides).
Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is truly
a great gift to all parties involved. So, during this season of gift
giving, I encourage you to think about people in your life and see if
coming together with them to heal a wound might just be the perfect
gift.
(If you need help on how to
forgive, read my other post “Four Simple Steps to Forgiveness.” The 45-minute documentary "A Way to Forgiveness" is available now for rent online or on DVD.)
