Accepting Forgiveness

A lot of talk on forgiveness has to do with when you are the one who has been hurt and must decide to forgive or not. But what about when you are on the other end of forgiveness? Can you accept that act of mercy?

I think a few elements must be present to accept the gift of forgiveness.

Remorse for what you have done. Sure, the other person may not have needed an apology from you to be able forgive, but if you don't have regret, if you don't think there was anything to be forgiven, then you wouldn't have to receive forgiveness. If you are truly going to take in the merciful act, you need acknowledge and be sorry for what you have done.

Forgive yourself. Some people can't accept that someone would forgive them for what they have done. They think what they did is beyond forgiving. I think that is a sure sign that they have not forgiven themselves. The same steps to forgiveness apply no matter if it is another or it is yourself that you need to forgive. Realize the strength that person had to forgive you and match it with your own strength to forgive.

Resolve to do better. I know this is the Catholic in me, borrowing from words spoken in the confessional, where we say “I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more.” But truly, the best apology is changed behavior. If the person forgave you and you have forgiven yourself, then you both know whatever happened was unacceptable. Don't do it again. Whatever you did, you also broke a level of trust. To rebuild that trust you need to show that you will not repeat the offense.

Relationships of any kind will inevitably include something that needs to be forgiven. No matter which side of an offense you are on – accept forgiveness.